Shot in the Dark

This story takes place about a year and a half ago when The Husband was just starting out as a clown.

Bang! I sit straight up in bed. After midnight. I think to myself, "It finally happened. The gangbangers have finally come to my neighborhood. I knew that graffiti in the park was a bad sign."
Bang! "Oh my God, it's coming from downstairs!" I froze. The Husband's not in bed. I need to get the baby, get out, and call the police. But how will I save The Husband?
Bang! Wheesh! "Oh man!" says The Husband.
"Really?" I think.
"Get up here and come to bed! You've got work in the morning!" I holler. "And could you please refrain from practicing ballooning while I'm sleeping from now on?"