Friday, September 27, 2013

My Epitaph

I am amazing with bananas. No matter how little a stem our school district's food service leaves upon the bananas, I can still open them with my bare hands and without dirtying my fingernails. The first time I showed the 2nd and 3rd graders (I'm their Lunch Supervisor) how to accomplish this feat with an otherwise unyielding banana last year, I was awarded with the spontaneous applause of all 120 of them. I have since been known as the Fruit Ninja. Needless to say, this is among my proudest accomplishments. As I just opened a banana for the Son, I told the Husband how much I would like to have that on my tombstone. Yes, it will bewilder many a future genealogist, but what a great story for them to stumble upon! The Wife, Fruit Ninja of the Midwest! The Husband thinks I'm joking, but I am not. This expenditure is totally worth it because I will become a family LEGEND. My tombstone shall read, "The Wife, Amazing Wife, Mother, Teacher, & Fruit Ninja of the Midwest. Birthdate-Deathdate." Seriously, people. This shall be my legacy!
I may be making a How To Be a Fruit Ninja video on YouTube. Stay tuned.

Saturday, September 21, 2013


The school where I teach is an inner city school comprised of children whose families originally came from Mexico. As a shout out to the majority of our kids' heritage, the parent group at our school has a huge fundraiser in celebration of Mexican Independence Day. It's always a really fun event. Last year as well as this year my husband sold balloons (all proceeds going to the school of course!).  This year I kept all the tickets (see the picture below) so we could see exact numbers. He sold 142 balloons in under 2 hours!
Now let's hope all the people I had to turn away because the event was ending don't take it too hard. Let's also hope all the people I caught cutting in line and sent to the end also don't take it too hard. Clowning is a rough business and sometimes you need the Wife to stand up to overzealous customers. Now I'm off to make a "I'm the last person in line!" sign. (Although I've heard those don't always work. Sometimes people just keep handing it back to the next person to arrive at the line.)

Tuesday, September 3, 2013


I woke the Son up when I fell down the stairs (I fell LOUDly). He is back to bed and I do believe I only have rug burns, but it's hard to tell since I took an ibuprofen right away. When the Husband came home from the clown alley meeting, I told him what happened. His response, "Again?"
And people wonder why I don't even bother to learn how to do spinning plates...

Tuesday, July 16, 2013


I know a LOT about clowns now. I know different types of balloon twists. I can even tell you about the different styles of makeup. But does the Husband even know J.K. Rowling's name? No! What is wrong with this man? He is not a reader; I get that. He didn't grow up learning to love to read like I did. He never has and probably never will read Harry Potter. I'm not asking him to. What I am asking is that he know as much about my obsessions as I know about his because when I text him with "J.K. Rowling ghostwrote something!", he should not have to call me up and have me explain (he is however, allowed to not understand the word "ghostwrote" considering English is not his first language).
However, the Harry Potter movies are what will keep us together. (Thank you Warner Brothers). Happiness is when despite your husband's lack of J.K. Rowling name recognition, he still knows what a Golden Snitch is when you show him a picture of one. (Does he know what it's called? No, but he knows what it is.)

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Egg Layers and Clown Tricks

The Husband asks the Son if he's (the Son) is wearing a diaper or underpants. "¡Calzón, Papá!" (Yeah, he's potty trained!)
Next thing I hear is a slap of elastic. The Husband exclaims, "Hiciste un huevo!" (You laid an egg!) Pitter patter. (I'm picking my battles. Sometimes making the Son wear socks just isn't worth it.)
"Mommy, Mommy!" The Son holds out a wooden egg. "This was inside of me and then it came out!"
Great. Now the Husband's clowning around has caused my child to think he's like a chicken. The Husband and the Son are now having a weird conversation about how that was a trick. I actually think the Son knew all along and was trying to mess with my head...

Friday, January 4, 2013


The Son's been getting really into superheroes lately. During the previews for Captain America (yes I did too prep him for the scary parts!!!), there's an ad for the Transformers movie. He turns to me and asks, "Do you know how to say 'Transformers' in Papá's language?" Being naturally curious, I respond with, "No, how do you say 'transformer' in Papá's language?"
He looks at me very seriously and says "Transfoahma."

Monday, December 17, 2012

Anti Monkey Butt

Ever been to a clown alley white elephant gift exchange? If not, join a clown alley JUST SO YOU CAN GO TO THE CHRISTMAS PARTY. In this post, I'll only be talking about one of the clown alley's gift exchanges. I will tell about the other one in a later post.
This Clown Alley (we'll call it Alley Z) has particularly complex rules for the gift exchange, eg gifts can be stolen a maximum of twice, first person also goes last (I don't even know how to explain how the order of gift opening went down. It was insane!) Slowpoke brought a fake gift and a real gift that he let you exchange if you felt it necessary (he neglected to inform us about the false bottom filled with dollar bills in the fake gift before it was exchanged). Another person brought, among other things, Anti Monkey Butt. Check it out!